4th
My lucky day!
So I’m at the downtown public library today when I get b lined by a security guard and he goes “Can I ask you a question?” And my heart starts racing and I’m thinking, “Oh god he can tell I’m high! Wait am I high?! What’s in my bag?! What secrets is this ahole going to EXPOSE! Oh god oh god RUN!!!” But I calmly say “Sure” with an inflection in my voice that actually says “No get out of my face.”
By saying sure I had no idea what kind of floodgate I was opening…..he says he needs a woman’s opinion on his dating life and without hesitation or me getting a word in he just gets into the thick of it, telling me a female friend of his was asking him when he gets off work and what does that mean cuz he’s not sure how to take it blah blah BLAH.. All the while I start thinking I MUST be high cuz there is NO WAY this is really happening to me. So trying my damndest to not laugh in his face, (seriously I had to pretend to yawn like 8 times to hide my giddiness) I decided right then and there that you only get ONE chance to dissect the public libraries security guards psyche.
I hear him out; decide he’s a psychopath and have to decide do I:
- Ruin this guy’s life and tell him “That bitch was literally just asking you what time you get off work, she’s aint interested in you. You’ve been watching too much Sex and the City. Stop trying to make something out of nothing. There’s someone stealing books over there.”
-or-
- Make his day and say, “She asked you what time you get off work? She is definitely interested cuz that’s how I met my husband of 15 happy years” and then proceed to talk about my fake non-existent husband and 2 kids.
Well I definitely did one…
